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Yes, there are black people who fetishize their white partners, who use their white partners to put down other black people and cement their own internalized racism, but this is not a rule. Give me a break. Wokeness is an imaginary construct. Wokeness has become a barometer with which to judge how socially aware a person is, but it leaves little room for nuance.

When it comes to human relationships, to romance and love and sex, nuance is everything.

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And thus, who you sleep with seems like a pretty arbitrary way to gauge just how engaged in black issues you really are. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. This guy was from Georgia. To be fair, I'm from the South. Raised in Florida, I know about chewing tobacco, gator farms, 2 Live Crew, y'all, and the Confederate flag.

For that reason, I started getting nervous about this guy.

Love Has No Color: Black Women Who Found Love With White Men | Celebrities | BET

What if I were part of some Dixieland fantasy of his? After we were seated I asked him how many black girls he'd dated. Whenever we went somewhere with a lot of black people in attendance, I got the side eye from some of them. My dating outside the race was seen as a betrayal. Their thought bubble hovered, clear as day: And some days, it was tough because I felt guilty for not completing the picture of the strong black couple. Another time, my boyfriend got a call from his ex-girlfriend.

Word had spread through the Caucasian grapevine. I was working on a sitcom at the time. When I told the writers on the show I was dating a white guy from the South who drove a pickup truck, I could tell they were skeptical. The kicker was when we went to the wedding of one of his friends in Cape Girardeau, Mo.

I'm not exaggerating when I say white people stared at us as we walked down the street. If we had them, they would be "multiethnic" or "biracial" or "mixed heritage.

But I was getting ahead of myself, right? Was I in this or not? Was I ready to be committed to a guy whose family owned shotguns and went to the Waffle House? My parents were both college professors. His parents hadn't gone to college.

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My parents were Baha'is who didn't celebrate Christmas. His dad played Santa Claus in various malls below the Mason-Dixon line during the yuletide season.


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My boyfriend listened to emo rock, for God's sake! I loved that he shared a house off Sunset with a gay, Pakistani performance artist.

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I loved that he'd had the same Rottweiler for a pet since high school. I loved that he was a plaintiff's attorney, helping clients who'd been discriminated against in the workplace. Fourteen years and two kids later, race is still a thing, in a growing list of things, that defines us.

Affairs chronicles the current dating scene in and around Los Angeles. If you have comments or a true story to tell, email us at LAAffairs latimes. The best advice I ever got for dating a guy with kids.

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We had a one-night stand. I wish it had stayed that way. I told her that I didn't have a car. She told me, 'Goodbye'.

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May 17, 6: I told myself I was going to AA meetings to meet guys. By Jill Di Donato. Jun 02, 7: Race is still a thing.